I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
