i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
