Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
