Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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