its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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