I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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