btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
