You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
