im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize