there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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