so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
