so that wasnt chicken after all
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.