im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work