I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
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I wish you could order shots online.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
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Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux