he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
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she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
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The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.