ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have surprise drugs for everyone
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.