Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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