Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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