Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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