I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
