my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
