Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
