worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just googled if crying burns calories
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
