That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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