one word: firstdatebathroomanal
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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