I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
