You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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