If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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