Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
