Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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