I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
