i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
