I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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