this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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