Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
