I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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