When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You're like the curious george of whores
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
