'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
