Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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