K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
