god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
