My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
