Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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