probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
