Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
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The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
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I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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