So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
