Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
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you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
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You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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