There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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