He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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