Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
