Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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