There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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