i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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