Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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