i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Are my feet made of real feet?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
