There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She told me I should be a condom model.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
