so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
