I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
