Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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