Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
