I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
