we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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